Each year as I grow older I feel as if I am growing more and more defeated by the various systems and tacit agreements that make up the society I live in. It eats me up inside because I am becoming aware of what I believe is right and wrong, but more often than not I’m on the losing side rather than the majority.
It drives me inwards into my own dreams, my own romanticisms.
I look at the people around me and wish I could demand more even though I’m pragmatic enough to know that we all can only give so much.
Each year I think I grow increasingly enfeebled. I lose my sense of ability to do anything, to contribute anything greater than what is already in front of me. I get lonelier and ask for less even though what I really, really want is probably the most costly thing of all.
I want someone to save me. I want intimacy. I want someone who doesn’t just hear me but understands what I mean even when I don’t say it.
It’s a lofty demand, and even I’m too weak to be that person for anyone.
Honestly, I just get more resigned every year, more fed up with trying to decide what is truly right in the end.
"Don’t wear a hoodie if you don’t want to be mistaken for a criminal and shot."
"Don’t get drunk at a party if you don’t want to be sexually assaulted."
"Don’t argue with a cop if you don’t want to get killed."
"Don’t walk home by yourself if you don’t want to get raped."
Victim blaming 101: Everyone should live in fear from ever doing anything.
The people outside
Annoying ass air conditioner
The folds of my jacket
The slowly growing unkempt nature of my hair
All of the things I have to do after this… WAY AFTER THIS
Why my sister hasn’t talked to me in several months
Do I have food to eat at home?
Can I still be wearing my piercings when I go through airport security?
I think it’s pretty funny that some people are saying “We’re in a drought and everyone is throwing buckets of water on themselves.”
When I highly doubt most of them are taking measures to reduce their own water usage, other than not participating in the ALS challenge